(Part 2) I don’t know you

After we left S’s office I was extremely embarrassed and somewhat dissociated. I was pretty quiet on the way back to Bs office.

We spent about an hour at S’s office so when we got back I thought we were finished but to my surprise B gave me another hour and a half. I think we just chitchatted for a few but its all still blury. We talked about my daughter some and her transitioning to another school. I was that here but not here place. I can hear and respond but my mind is somewhere else. For some reason this discussion caused me to have a flashback and then dissociate completely. I’m not sure what exactly B said but I was gone, for how long I don’t know. I think my mind just shut down and according to B I was just staring into space and not responding to her.

When I came back I had no idea where I was, had no clue who B was. It was like 8 year old me and adult me couldn’t decide who was in charge. I’d get my memeory back and then Bam I’d competely forget again. Every noise outside Bs office made me jump about 10ft in the air.  I was terrified, of what I’m not sure. It took about 30 mins to get grounded enough for me to leave and even then I was still really out of it. I sat in my car another 30 mins before I felt safe enough to drive.

This has never happened before and I’m not sure what to make of it. It’s freaking me out to say the least. Maybe its a reaction from being stressed for such a long period of time, but I hope it never happens again.

B checked on me later on that night and it was nice to know she cared enough to call. Since then I’ve been trying to take it easy and relax but thats easier said then done. The flashbacks and memeories are still front and center and sleep is almost nonexistent. I’m not sure how much longer I can last like this.



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